Pet Psychology Aficionado Pillows

"Just because I don't engage in that ridiculous slobbering, tail-wagging idiocy doesn't mean I don't care for you."

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Have you tried biting him?"

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"Actually I never loved you."

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"He's sending an instant message."

'Get Doc Weston and Tell him I have a fever and to come over quick. We have a show to do tonight.' The talking dog goes over to the doctor's house and simply says 'woof'.

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'