Pet Psychologist Enthusiast Pillows

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"Actually I never loved you."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.