Pet Psychiatrist Enthusiast Pillows

"Have you tried biting him?"

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"Actually I never loved you."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.

'Animal Psychiatrist' (a dog).

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"He's sending an instant message."

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."

'He's not big enough to use the toilet yet.'