Dog Psychiatrists Pillows

I'll bark, and you bark the first thing that comes to mine.'

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Who's got excellent kidney function, according to this most recent round of tests? You do! Yes, you do!"

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"Actually I never loved you."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"He's sending an instant message."

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'