Dog Psychotherapist Pillows

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

But it's the other leg that hurts.

"Meow."

"It's nice to be wanted."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Actually I never loved you."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"He never sniffs my butt anymore."

"Have you got one that's a bit more pessimistic?"

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'