Puppy Psychiatrist Pillows

"...and what can I do for you, sir?"

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Actually I never loved you."

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"He's sending an instant message."