Pet Psychologist Pillows

"Meow."

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."

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Parrot to owner: 'The cracker is fine, but will it satisfy my emotional needs?'

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"Well, I still don't believe you're a bad dog. I think you're just searching for something. A lost bone perhaps."

Man Bites Dog...

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.

'We were arguing, and I said, 'OK, Man's Best Friend, name just ONE aspect of canine loyalty that DOESN'T revolve around food. Next thing I know, we've got a full-blown existential crisis in progress here.'

'OK, Mr. Altruism, real fast, name three selling points of loyalty that don't involve food.'

'Your issues with Steve must go deeper than faking to throw sticks.'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

Freudian Slip - Bow Meow.

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'You don't think less of me because I wear a flea collar do you?'

Mixed Emotions Poodle

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

I talk to cats - "What have you been doing?" "Acting Mad."

"Sometimes, when I'm upset with her, I'll have a 'quote; accident 'unquote'."

The brain of a dog.

"It's not about the cat door, is it? It's a 'who is the pet and who is the owner' thing..."

"I think what Polly really want is approval."

"'Bad dog, bad dog,' she said. 'We should have gotten a cat."

Doggy Fireworks

'He's not big enough to use the toilet yet.'

Beware - Dog with Unhappy Childhood.

"I know, I know, he's like ... 'one of the family,' but I still find it unnerving..."

"Well, hello. You're such a cute doggie!"

"How long have you been suffering from anthropomorphism?"

'Maybe now you'll quit complaining we never go anywhere!'

'You're very narcissistic.'

'I keep barking up the wrong tree.'

'The animal psychiatrist said don't bother him with dog things- he doesn't know he's a dog!'

'You worry too much!'