Pet Psychologists Pillows

"Don’t look at me. You’re the one who brought him the newspaper."

"Come on! You can do this!!"

Inspired by the success of 'The Dog Whisperer,' 'The Gerbil Whisperer' will begin airing in March.

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

'He's a neurotic bloodhound. He thinks he's being followed.'

'I think Pookie wants her supper.'

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

"...and when did you first start thinking you were Napoleon's dog?"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'