Pet Psychology Buff Pillows

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

"Put the tree down, Bob. We’ll go for a walk after you shower."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"Actually I never loved you."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The brain of a dog.

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"He's sending an instant message."