Dog Psychology Aficionado Pillows

"You're the one with the fancy forensic psychology degree; you tell me which one of them did it."

Dog Nightmares

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

Dog History

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

'…and so you see your unfulfilled hopes and ambitions in the form of the mailman.'

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

"It's not that you ate the sirloin tips. It's the lying."

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

'After years of trying, he caught his tail.'

"I think I'm a big dog."

"It hurts when I wag my tail – but I'm not sure if the pain is mental or physical."

"We laugh, but it's a mirthless laugh."

'It's probably your own fear of inadequacy.'

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

Doug always circled around four or five times before lying down to sleep.

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

Anatomy Of A Dog's Brain

Barking Today - 'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

"Boys, I want you to take this guy for a little ride..."

"Penny, what is that scent you have on? I must know." "Don't you just love it, Lucy? It's dead rat."

Doggy Peer Pressure

"If you eat the homework, but then spit it out, are you still a bad dog?"

"She looks slow—but watch how fast she moves when I put this disgusting thing in my mouth."