Dog Psychology Aficionado Pillows

"You're the one with the fancy forensic psychology degree; you tell me which one of them did it."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Jerk." "Jackass." "Screw you." "Bite me."

Dog History

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

'…and so you see your unfulfilled hopes and ambitions in the form of the mailman.'

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

"It's not that you ate the sirloin tips. It's the lying."

'It's probably your own fear of inadequacy.'

'After years of trying, he caught his tail.'

"I think I'm a big dog."

"It hurts when I wag my tail – but I'm not sure if the pain is mental or physical."

"We laugh, but it's a mirthless laugh."

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

Barking Today - 'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

"Penny, what is that scent you have on? I must know." "Don't you just love it, Lucy? It's dead rat."

Doggy Peer Pressure

Anatomy Of A Dog's Brain

"If you eat the homework, but then spit it out, are you still a bad dog?"

"I believe in unconditional love—except for the mailman."

"This dog definitely had abandonment issues..."