Puppy Psychiatrist Gifts

"...and what can I do for you, sir?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Have you tried biting him?"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"Actually I never loved you."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The brain of a dog.