Doggy Psych Gifts

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Have you tried biting him?"

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

Dog phrenology

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

"Actually I never loved you."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'