Pup Therapist Pillows

"God, they're needy."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Pavlov's Puppy

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"But this time, Lucky, when I throw the ball... you bring it back!"

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

But it's the other leg that hurts.

"It's nice to be wanted."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Dogs Bring Slippers.

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

"Have you got one that's a bit more pessimistic?"

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

So You Finally Caught Your Tail

"He never sniffs my butt anymore."

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

Pat My Dog $5

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

'He's a son-of-a-bitch but he's our son-of-a-bitch!'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'I'm sure he thinks he's a parrot!'

"I'm referring you to another therapy dog."

Four Star Meal