Pup Professor Gifts

Dog training

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Good boy

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

Four Star Meal

Dog on couch at psychiatrist office talking about love and liver snacks

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"I've tried really hard, but I'm sorry - I just can't bring myself to accept 'text' as a past participle."

Hybrid Cat Breeds

"But the best thing about getting neutered, Gus, is that I'm finally able to focus on my novel-in-progress without any distractions!"

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Discipline at Doggy School

Doggy Peer Pressure

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.

You read the instructions upside down.

'I dunno... I've lost my confidence, Doc. Some days I feel like I'm only a borderline Collie...'

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

'What about the arts? I need to learn MORE than just obedience!'

The meaning of life...

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat whenever I lay real still.'

Dogma

"This isn't obedience school. This is much more useful."

Doggie with trust issues.

'I must advise you to stop sticking your nose into everything.'

"Oh, she hears the bark, but all the nuance goes right over her head."

'With a little patience you can teach a dog to do anything.'

"I gotta get another hobby."

Dog Obedience School: 'I ate my homework.'

Let's talk about my dog.

'Stay! Roll over! Heel! I wish they'd expand the curriculum!'

"Wow, the Puppy School curriculum has changed a lot since we were there: canine history, bone-burying record keeping, farting etiquette. . ."