Puppy Professor Pillows

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

'Stay! Roll over! Heel! I wish they'd expand the curriculum!'

Discipline at Doggy School

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Wow, the Puppy School curriculum has changed a lot since we were there: canine history, bone-burying record keeping, farting etiquette. . ."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Dog training

Balloon dog training

'To woof or not to woof...'

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

Self-Employment

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

'No, I said 'sit'.'

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

Dog next to sign that says, 'Beware of Dog's Feelings'.

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"I said SLIPPERS!"

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"Yes, you're definitely a good boy. Your only fault may be that you care too much."

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

Dog Quiz

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Bad Dog!

Doggy Peer Pressure

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.

You read the instructions upside down.

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat whenever I lay real still.'

I wonder if he can think.

'I'm for any extreme makeover that doesn't include the word FIX.'