Yogurt Humorists Gifts

Diary. You called anthropologists to come look at expired yogurt? I thought they'd be interested in ancient cultures.

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Lesser known greek gods,

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

Yoga classes door.

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"How long were you in that headstand?"

Cat eats date.

Conference Pears

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

The Return of the Germ

"Do you realize what the sodium content of this water is?"

'I was like you once, full of ambition! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT MEEE!'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'The chef's hat was delicious! But the hair...'

"Avoid sitting."

'OK, who ordered the prawn cocktail?'

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

Orange House of Horrors

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

The mushroom pickers

"We learnt about nutrition at school today Mum: Our diet didn't rate well at all..."

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

The Puffin Restaurant: Today's special - regurgitated sand eels

Corporate urban legends

Dachshund Yoga

"We shouldn't have sugar, wine, beer, cake...we may not live longer but it sure will feel as if we do!"

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app

'Yoga? Tell me more.'

Holy Pizza