Dried Fruit Humorist Gifts

Understanding the prune.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Flight simulator'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Cat eats date.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

Conference Pears

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

"I'm starving! How long will dinner be?"

"I'm having friends over for dominoes, so everyone needs to clear out of the kitchen."

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage