Fruit Juicing Humorist Gifts

Orange House of Horrors

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

Lesser known greek gods,

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Cat eats date.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

Conference Pears

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'