Fruit Juicing Humorist Gifts

Orange House of Horrors

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Lesser known greek gods,

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Cat eats date.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Conference Pears

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'