Fruit-loving Humorist Gifts

"How's the self defense classes going?"

"Just be yourself."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Apple Pie Abduction

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Peach flirting with a banana.

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Conference Pears

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'