Junk Food Humorists Gifts

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"We won!"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Deliboys

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

"Mom lets me eat my fill of junk food as long as I can pronounce all the chemical ingredients."