Burnt Food Humorists Gifts

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

A Club Sandwitch.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Okay - who wants theirs well done?"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Cat eats date.

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'