Yogurt Skeptic Gifts

Corporate urban legends

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

How lazy people decide what to eat

Mum! What's for dessert?! - 'Yoghurt!' - 'Vanilla?' - 'Peach Melba.' - 'Don't call childline, don't call childline, don't call childline, don't call childline.' - '' -

Gullib-Os

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"Dear, will you sprint down to the store and get a box of wheat germ and a pint of yoghurt?"

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Do you have anything on the menu without maple syrup on it?"

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

Plane Yogurt.

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"I can see that you're a cultured individual..."

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Burke isn't in right now. He ate some funky yogurt he found in the back of the fridge and he's in the bathroom - how shall I put this - promoting from within."

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

The It Tastes Like Cr*p Because Its Healthy Cafe

"We used to think sugar and spice were all things nice - until that was proved to be a lie put out by global food manufacturers."

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

"If this food is healthy, then what about the rest of the store?"