Butter Skeptic Gifts

"Take a wild guess, butter boy."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

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How judicious you are/How thin you spread it

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"Do you have anything on the menu without maple syrup on it?"

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"I dreamed that butter and sugar and eggs came back, and we all made cookies."

"Nothing says butter - like something from the udder."

What if he could be 'churned' to the dark side?

"Then there was the dream where I woke up in a pool of melted butter."

'At last conclusive proof sods law works - but only with a thick-sliced family loaf.'

"He was 95. The doctors reckon it was either the bacon, the beer, the whiskey, the smoking, the wine, the steaks, the coffee, the butter, the biscuits or just too much sunshine that finally did him in."

'I can't believe it's not butter!'

"What would I have to do to be sent to my room without just the Brussels sprouts?"

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

"The chef recommends butter."

Corporate urban legends

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

"Is that your answer for everything...fold in a stick of butter?"

'I always considered myself more of a butter-fly'

"We met over the holidays."

'Do I like butter? I AM BUTTER!'

"Before I pass judgement on you, I would like to see if butter really doesn't melt in your mouth."

'I'm not eating it, not if it's been genetically modified.'

"Unsweetened has some sugar, lightly sweetened has a ton of sugar, and fully sweetened will kill you."

'Oh no, how do I tell them that I don't like Angel Food cake?'

'I'm concerned about your cholesterol level.'

Tills labelled 'regular', 'express', and 'why do you always forget the butter.'

You've got to stop condescending to the customers. Whatever do you mean? You abuse them for not recycling, for eating high-fructose sugar, for watching reality tv shows. Hardly. I absolutely understand that some people who have not been blessed with a high level of education and information make foolish divisions. It's not their fault. Condescending! Good use of a big word. HOJ.

"Man does not live by corn syrup alone."