Sauce Skeptic Gifts

'This French food is pretty good, except for that beurre bleeech sauce.'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'Do you call this spaghetti'

Mayo-A-Mayo

'Have you tried out new Labrador Retriever Butt Scent?'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

'You've got to admit, Harvey, the barbecue sauce is REALLY hot down here!'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? "Death of a Salesman." Adapted to a fly, of course.

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

Loyd Grossman

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

Dog fetching slippers with a peg on his nose.

'Crowd Source'

"What would I have to do to be sent to my room without just the Brussels sprouts?"

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

Sen. Krupt. If they think watching sausage and laws being made is bad, they should see us tackle pork legislation!

'You've got to be kidding...you mean there's a recipe for this?'

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"Hey, buddy. I seeka da mayo."

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

"...We don't trust any restaurant that has room for us."