Juice Skeptic Gifts

'How can I be sure I'm getting 100 pure orange juice?' - 'Buy an orange.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

Gullib-Os

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Too much Omega 3.'

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

'I could have had a V-8!'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

'I could have had a V-8!'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

Lemonade Survey

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

"Didn't anyone tell you this is the private juice bar of the Health's Angels?"

"No thanks, I'm on a juicebook cleanse this week."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

How can I ensure I'm getting 100 orange juice? Buy an orange!

'Boy! Did I get some bad news today! I found out french fries is a veg'table!'