Yoga Instructor Gifts

"Oh, gosh! Yoga in twenty minutes."

"Of course, this neck stretch should be attempted only by advanced students."

"Mom?"

'When I asked if you were flexible, Mrs. Harkness, I was asking about your hours!'

"Meditation is too hard. How do you keep one thought in your mind for this long?"

Yoga feasibility studies.

Pretzel Co: 'Tell me...why should we hire you?'

With everything else I've got on my mind, now you're telling me I have to think about breathing?"

Yoga class intrays - in/out/relax.

All we have in life is this moment...

Most people meditate to seek inner peace, not revenge.

'Let's skip the anesthetic. I study yoga so I think I can transcend-dental-medication.'

"Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions instead of jumping to them"

Yoga - moooooooo.

"Colin's relaxation classes seem to have worked."

"I find the yoga helps me to be more irritating."

"I've had a lot of free time this year."

"It turns out I've been inhaling when I should be exhaling and exhaling when I should be inhaling."

Having everyone do an hour of yoga in the office seemed like a good idea on paper.

Unguided imagery

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

'Relax...empty your cache...clear your history.'

'...and let's get one thing straight. This ain't no yoga class for wimps.'

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'It's either this or a heart attack!'

Why cat yoga classes don't work

'Hey there, it's Yoga Bear!'

'Mom, do I have to hold my plank through desert, too?'

'I always answer their questions with a question - it drives them nuts!'

'Your first lesson is free.'

Downward-facing dog vs upward-looking cat.

'Now relax and imagine your body slowly melting into the ground.'

Patron entering 'School of Yoga' sees snowman standing on head.

"And we'll close with a moment of silence for all the people with jobs who couldn't be with us today."

'Okay I'll admit you do look foolish but on positive side you were only one letter out!'