Yen Yogi Gifts

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

My God, I need to fart.

Yoga Xmas Decorations

Yoga classes door.

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind and cashflow."

"Slowly begin to reawaken the body with thoughts of unread E-mails, piles of dirty laundry, and the kids you have to pick up from school."

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"Remember, ladies, if you are doing this right you shouldn't be able to do it."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

Banana Yoga

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

'Oh, sure -- You want me to waste my valuable time helping you extinguish your ego'

"Take. Your. Time!"

"You must now empty the Kitty Litter of your mind."

"I've had a lot of free time this year."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

Transcendental Litigation

"Thank you."

'Was that a spiritual insight, or just clumsiness?'

Fitness Guru

Tangled facing dog...

ME, MEDITATING ON NO-SELF

"I can take you to my yoga instructor, how about that...?"

"Here goes nothing."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'Phew! What a day! I almost lost my aura of supreme tranquility.'

"Wait, I signed up for the traditional yoga class."

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'