Yard Care Procrastinator Gifts

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

Good News about winter

The Last Leaf

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

"Can't wait to see the look on his face when we put these back on the tree."

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

"I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone that does yard work."

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

"We're going to need a bigger rake."

"What a magnificent display of fall foliage – a blessing to behold." "*!#@!%* leaves!..."

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

"That's one hole filled, only about three or four more to go."

Lawn Mowers - Loud/Louder/Loudest

"Next time, don't rake with the dogs."

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

"Hola...I was wondering if you need your lawn mowed."

"Billy? He told me he was going to help you rake leaves."

"I'm taking back control of my borders!!"

Women look out at overgrown garden as man reads sports section. Wife says: 'He reckons he can't mow it as he's turned it into a wildlife reserve.'

The lawn mowing industry was ripe for innovation.

"In space, there is no sound. Except those - we can still hear those @#%* things."

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

'Get your mitts off my leaves!!'

"And so it begins!"

'When people find out I'm a lawyer they take an instant dislike to me. My wife says it's just to save them time...'