Workplace Comedy Seeker Gifts

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Gay Times...

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Well, I must say I never thought team-building exercises could be such fun.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'