Workplace Comedy Seeker Pillows

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Gay Times...

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Yes, can I help you?'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."