Job Seeker Comedian Gifts

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

Opp'y of a Lifetime

This castle manager job better be for real.

'Are you free at the moment?'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Biographies. Don Rickles for Dummies

'Mummy, Mummy, I've been practising the whole afternoon: Wanna hear my evil laugh?'

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Remind me again, Dad. Why did you want me to get that college degree?'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."