Job Interview Comedian Gifts

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

This castle manager job better be for real.

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'I'd like to hire you, but you're not serious enough.'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'Why did you leave your last job?'

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

'I like a man with a good, firm fist bump.'

"Well we are looking for people with a wide range of skills."

"Forget the pension and health care - do I get gas money?"

'Wow! How did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

'Don't worry, Finnegan... it doesn't matter how you answer the questions in a job interview. Every time they ask you something, just tilt your head sideways in that adorable way you do and they'll be putty in your hands...'

"Sorry son, you're too negative!"

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."

'I'm good with sheep. . .'