Job Hunting Humorist Gifts

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Personnel - man asleep, "Why were you dismissed from your last job?"

'Did you find a job yet?'

''He's been looking for a job all day. He hopes to find one on TV.'

'I suppose you'll be wanting fries with that?'

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

'Don't worry, Finnegan... it doesn't matter how you answer the questions in a job interview. Every time they ask you something, just tilt your head sideways in that adorable way you do and they'll be putty in your hands...'

'Finding work may not make YOU happy but it would make me delirious!'

"How can I download an employment app?"

"These are the lower test scores I've ever seen. Welcome to customer service."

"Sorry, still no openings for a professional 'Clapper.'"

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"Have you considered applying for a job a million mils from here?"

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

This castle manager job better be for real.

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'I'd like to hire you, but you're not serious enough.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'