Job Market Humorist Gifts

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

'The good news is, you'll never have to worry about being overqualified for any job...'

"Personnel have suggested that we change the new job description from 'six years experience' to 'must be alive'."

"If you want to know why coffee prices increased I'll get Jenna, she has her PhD in economics I only have an M.A. in english lit."

'Viking Job centre' 'Rape' 'Pillage'

'Whoever gets this job will have to take a lot of s**t from me and you look like you're just right for the job.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'So what makes you qualified for this position?'

City Cemetary (Some college preferred)

"We'll give you a call if we lower our standards."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

This castle manager job better be for real.

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'

"When you grow up would you rather be a Hunter or Gatherer?"

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'True, I'm a robot, but I'm programmed to be a people person.'

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Have you ever been bonded?', 'No, but I've been married a couple of times.'