Job Hunter Humorist Gifts

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

Impressive resume.

'I see. But apart from the 'caped crime-fighting', you are, in fact, available for work.'

'No need to come in...just mail us your resume.'

'Looks like a great job!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

This castle manager job better be for real.

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

Personnel Office. When you go into the job interview start snooping around. I hear they're looking for somebody who checks all the boxes.

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'Have you ever been bonded?', 'No, but I've been married a couple of times.'

'You must be the new guy, huh?'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

'I like a man with a good, firm fist bump.'

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

'Don't worry, Finnegan... it doesn't matter how you answer the questions in a job interview. Every time they ask you something, just tilt your head sideways in that adorable way you do and they'll be putty in your hands...'

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

"You're hired. Stay!"

"Sorry son, you're too negative!"