Job Interview Comedian Pillows

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

This castle manager job better be for real.

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'I'd like to hire you, but you're not serious enough.'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'Why did you leave your last job?'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

"...did your last employer give you a reference?"

"Sorry son, you're too negative!"

"Forget the pension and health care - do I get gas money?"

'Don't worry, Finnegan... it doesn't matter how you answer the questions in a job interview. Every time they ask you something, just tilt your head sideways in that adorable way you do and they'll be putty in your hands...'

'Wow! How did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

"Well we are looking for people with a wide range of skills."

'I like a man with a good, firm fist bump.'

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."

'I'm good with sheep. . .'