Workforce Woebegone Gifts

'Run! 73 million baby boomers are about to retire!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

Counting part time employees is the new math.

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

I hate Mondays and now I'm developing an aversion to Tuesdays!

"I'm so happy to be back in the workforce I'll never complain out loud again about Mondays."

"Huddleston, I admire your hands-on approach to everything, but get the hell out of my office!"

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

With the office space available, we have no choice but to believe in teamwork!

This castle manager job better be for real.

'They'll tell you this is an open office workspace, but watch out for the invisible fences.'

You're fortunate you have a cubicle. Due to cutbacks, my boss makes us wear horse blinders.

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

'Thank you - but I prefer to stand.'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

"I miss the old cubicles."

Start the session by doing something unusual.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

I got the raise

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

"I'd like you to consider some of our exciting career opportunities working for anyone else but me."

'I typed it that way because I thought that punctuation would just slow it down.'

"Don't invade his space."

"When the company said we'd now be sharing cubicle space this wasn't what I expected!"

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

'So, Bixbey! Caught you at trying out my desk again, have I?'