Work Environment Analyst Gifts

'He's really keen, highly motivated. Unfortunately he doesn't know how to do anything.'

'We've got a high staff fluctuation, that's why it's not worth furnishing the offices.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

Chaos Theory - a butterfly flaps its wings...

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

HR - Helping Relationships

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"I tell you, it's a jungle out there!"

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

The suggestion box.

"We'll analyze the only thing left to analyze: what people throw away."

Cog-In-The-Wheel

Desk trays: The Good - The Bad - The Ugly

"I'm a bit concerned the staff don't respect me, they've given me a nickname."

"I solve mathematical problems, program electronic music, analyze environmental issues...but being a renaissance man isn't what it used to be."

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

You are here.

Working Environment

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"It's late. I am not getting into another heated discussion with you."

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

"Oxygen masks. When a meeting gets so boring as to be life-threatening, they automatically drop down!"

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

'This new role will involve some extra responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...it's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"A little office... no windows... with a door... heavenly!"

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

Corporate Scapegoat of the Month (Poster hanging on company hallway)