Workplace Environment Gifts

'Pencils?' 'Check.' 'Pads?' 'Check.'...'Automated external defibrillator?' 'Check.'

"I have a good minority hiring record. they're the only ones who'll work for my low wages."

"The big bucket of candy only helps morale if it is passed around."

"If we get out of this alive, I'm signing up for that management class."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Well, I think Mr. Rod is still mad at me. He's one scary dude when he's angry."

MeToo

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'What's wrong now?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Torn-Off Mouse.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"We should have taken the cubicles."

Work Slave