Work Environment Gifts

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'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

Overheated office where a member of staff is suffering from high temperatures

Suggestion alarm.

"Like I said, your own little office."

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

"When you violate one of our unwritten rules you'll know it by the unspoken censure."

"If it weren't for the illusion of security, the health plan, the pay, the friendships. . . I'd leave this stupid company!"

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'Like I promised, an office with a washroom!'

"We went with an open floor plan because it can really facilitate a shared sense of hysteria."

"What makes you think this company has grown too large and impersonal, 78273?"

'I worry about the dot-dot-dot at the end of my job description.'

"Someday, I want to work in a smoke-free workplace."

Bob realized that somehow he didn't like joint vulture deals.'

'We've decided to hire you because we just don't have the guts to tell you 'no'.'

'Don't mind me. They're having problems finding me desk space on level 4.'

'How are things at work?'

"Best wishes in your new job!"

"We're still falling a bit short on achieving the...uh...highest state of satisfaction."

HR - Helping Relationships

"The new boss might seem severe, but he won't bite your head off!"

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

"Doc, I think I'm suffering from insomnia...every ten minutes the boss bursts into my office and wakes me up!"

'This new role will involve some extra responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...it's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"When does 'I'm enjoying my job smile' become 'maniacal grin of someone about to jump out of the window'?"

"I tell you, it's a jungle out there!"

"Treating colleagues with compassion and empathy is essential, and anyone who doesn't get that through their thick skulls has no future HERE."

Desk Organizer: In and Far Out, Man.

"Don't you just hate office politics?"

"Yeah. The new office is good. Not the most private though."

"I feel like crap today."

"I already have a co-worker replacement."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Had some oik of the factory floor moaning about so called 'unsafe practices'..."