Witty Sage Gifts

'I'd sooner be dead than be buried here...'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

British savings accounts

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Voltaire

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

Sharp Eyes

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

Justice

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

You trip on it, you buy it.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

The 11th Commandment

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

Bell Hop

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Male On Sunday