Wise Sage Wannabe Gifts

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

That party went well.

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

Voltaire

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Bishop with a crozier case.

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

How to believe in yourself.

Strange and exotic creatures that exist on other planets - and ones that exist here on earth.

Bucket List Coffee Shop - "Where Seniors Get Big Ideas!"

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

Having a senior moment

'I'd sooner be dead than be buried here...'

"It's customary to climb all the way up."