Sage Advice Seeker Gifts

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"It just happens...one day you wake up and you find that your best billable hours are behind you."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. Stop trying to change your wife into a Xerox copy of yourself! Right now your relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Kl

I'm a little disappointed -- I always thought the ultimate secret to the universe would rhyme.

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

"Question authority"

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

'I just had to stop by and thank you for all the advice...'

A Bug's Life Advice

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.