Comedy Sage Gifts

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

British savings accounts

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"How can anyone remember Cheech and not remember Chong?"

Justice

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

The 11th Commandment

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

Greek Tragedy: 'Yes... we agree to further cuts in government spendings..!!!'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

How To Cut The Defense Budget

God finger

"The truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!"

Manspreading in Art

"The best advice I can give you is: 'Be Yourself.'"

"This is very mysterious. I can't seem to pick up anything at all about you, but I see 'Ivan the Terrible' coming to the Thalia."

"You know the rules, if you can't pay my fee I shall have to eat you."

"We could go out to eat every night and cut our grocery bill to nothing."

'Did you spill my pint?'

"A million monkeys typing for a million years might come up with Hamlet, but they could never direct it."

"I have no head for show business."

Just what were you doing in Georgia anyways Hmmm Isn't it true that you were lookin' for a soul to steal Your confession states that you were in a bind cause you were way behind, Care to elaborate, Mr, Seacrest I mean, Lucifer,,

White House Correspondents' Dinner: Featuring the Comedian-in-Chief.

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

"All I'm saying is that you'd sell a lot more if you had Mary on the cover."