Comedic Sage Gifts

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

Get crazy once in a while

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

I'm getting old, I spotted a couple of brown hairs among the punk.

'Well, given that you have three broken ribs, laughing is bound to be painful...'

Washing Machine Torture

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'Nice this kite sailboat. But how do you actually land it?'

'I warned her that too much dieting could be a danger to her health!'

"I'm $37,000 in debt for my theatre degree. I may be acting, but my tears are real."

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

'When the time comes, Goopta, I'd like to be bronzed.'

'I back up my files religiously. I pray nothing happens to them.'

Birds in a birdhouse watching TV.

"Your uniform has arrived for working for the royal male."

'Yes, Master is drunk, but don't worry, I've stolen his car keys...'

'The only good drive I made all morning was the ride back from the stupid golf course.'

"Don't be discouraged. Do it over, monitor the results...write your paper."

"I know you won the lottery George, but is this the best you can up with?"