Celebrity Sage Gifts

'I don't get it. How can you say Leno is better than Letterman?'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

One way only.

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"How can anyone remember Cheech and not remember Chong?"

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Bishop with a crozier case.

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"The truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!"

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"The best advice I can give you is: 'Be Yourself.'"

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

"This is very mysterious. I can't seem to pick up anything at all about you, but I see 'Ivan the Terrible' coming to the Thalia."

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

"I have no head for show business."

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'