Satirical Sages Gifts

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

'This time I'm voting for sour grapes.'

Just what were you doing in Georgia anyways Hmmm Isn't it true that you were lookin' for a soul to steal Your confession states that you were in a bind cause you were way behind, Care to elaborate, Mr, Seacrest I mean, Lucifer,,

"I used to sit, stay and shake hands, but in the current cultural climate I chase, attack and bite."

"Money may not make me happy, but I'd like to give it a chance."

British savings accounts

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Skeptic Tank.

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Under new blame.

Coronavirus Windmills

Illogic Tree

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Voltaire

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

Donald Glover

Man can levitate but can't hold fingers properly.

Lesbians for Christ

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

Justice

'It's true. There was a coup.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."