Satirical Savants Gifts

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

"How much would you like to lend us, Mr. Hewitt?"

British savings accounts

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

Illogic Tree

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Elon Musk is buying rope and walnuts."

"I've written the employees' benefit manual in invisible ink"

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

So that's it? I've tweeted a risque photo of my bicep. What happens next? We wait for the outpouring. I'm ready. Bring on the outrage. C'mon media! Let's hear your disgust that some old man would brazenly send such a lascivious photo. Then, with the world looking at me, I'll astound them with my idea of a universal health care system! Wait. Wait. Not yet. it's time for my first nap of the day. Can we do this later? What? Zzzzz. Best way for this to end.

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

"It's not carrots but the love of carrots that's the root of all evil."

Prisoner still life painting.

The breakup

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

Justice

"The museum of modern art on fire... an installation."

Donald Glover

Failure is no an option: "I'd now like to speak on the topic of government bailouts!"

The 11th Commandment

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."