Witty Quipster Pillows

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Official Seal

Man Eater

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

'Is the water cold?'

Crow and fox

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"I love this time of year."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Algonquin Round Table

Leaving cards.

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

"So, what is your star sign?"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

Bat out of Hell

The Quantum Mechanic...

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

Spiv

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"