Witty Quip Lover Pillows

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

"Think about the honey."

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca," "Of all the comic strips in all the newspapers in all the world, you walk into mine." ? ? ?

"I love this time of year."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

Cold caller.

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Official Seal

The Gilmore Girls

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Spiv

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

Tom Bowler

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

"You're definitely going to need an extraction."

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

Cylinder Head

'You look lovely today.'